I've just been craving to blog... Life has been crazy lately with a lot of personal family stuff going on... Family sickness and big change. It's all a long story and while I would love to write about it to remember it, I don't feel like they are my stories to tell... The short of it is my grandparents are in a nursing home now three hours away (where they've never lived and no family lives), and my brother in law (my sister's husband) started chemo today for a cancer they only learned about three days ago.
I want to talk to you about some books I've read, insights I've gained, weaknesses I've discovered, and parenting memories. We've called poison control in the past month for too much flouride tooth paste, and had some unforunate hydrocoritzone smearing and some sunblock smearing.
I met a little elderly friend while visiting my brother in law in the ER. She was a patient as well and my heart broke for her.. alone in a city she didn't know, and not sure of the year much less why she was there (it was a broken hand- and the assisted living sent her along in a taxi to the ER...). Needless to say she's a new friend and I will be taking the kids to see her.
The biggest news of all is the news I am not wanting to share.. that I am the most reluctant, hesitant, unconfident and least likely homeschooling mom for the next year. But it's there.. and it's happening. My reasons are plentiful and my doubt is abundant.. but my certainty in doing it for this season is stronger than my fear, idols and uncertainty.
Maybe, just maybe, if I get bold and drop my fear of being judged I will write more about it.
But I just had to share this much... I just had to get this all off my chest and out of my mind.
I'm reading Codependent No More because apparently codepedency isn't weakness and neediness as I thought but is basically ME. Wanting to control others, feeling like I'm responsible for their comfort and happiness etc. (insert mind blown picture/emoji here). I'm also reading And Baby Makes Three by Gottman about how your marriage changes after baby. Because apparently, feeling like you're alone or it's just your marriage isn't healthy. Parenting is just a new season (and a hard one at times!), it's all consuming and it changes you. It's a new phase. And we are planning on rocking it!! As soon as I finish this book... (ha).