From sun up til sun down in this season of life I'm worn out.
Unlike my working years I'm not stressed. I enjoy my life. I don't go to bed with the insomnia a weighty tomorrow threw at me.
But my hours and days are chaotic. A beautiful chaos of "sliddering" snakes on the living room floor, tu-tus, chocolate smeared hands and warm hugs. But chaos just the same.
I'm not stressed but I'm overwhelmed. Overwhelmed at the prospect of how quickly life is moving and of how deeply I could be messing it all up.
All while underneath I feel a quiet peace that we're doing it the best we can which must be right.
This week my sister and brother in law found out he has cancer.. horrible, insidious, unforgiving and merciless. And like a dainty little top their entire worlds have been thrown upside down.
My two year old didn't stop ignoring me, my four year old didn't stop her chatter, and the baby didn't stop screaming. But I sat in stunned silence and thought that it could be me tomorrow, my baby today, my husband next week.... Gone. Chained up to chemicals and a future no one can read. The light airiness that today is a gift filled my mind and made it swim.
One by one I caught my little people and held their warm little bodies in a hug as long as they would allow.
Today is a gift. From sun up til sundown. With all of the chaos and overwhelming imperfection in between. It's a gift and it won't always be here.
I sat there watching my children and I felt my exhaustion and my overwhelmed spinning mind and thought what a gift... to be worried about such simple, trite things. What a gift to have no pain so I can feel my exhaustion as though it's something big.
What a gift...