Motherhood has been a shock.
And it's not just the "motherhood" that comes from bearing children physically, but rather the "motherhood" that comes from bearing them in day to day life. Regardless of if they are your biological children or are legally your children at all.
It's the guiding, correcting and loving unconditionally that have thrown me for a loop.
And sometimes, my frustration surprises me. It rears its ugly head when I don't expect it.
Today I was bee-bopping along, making a bed, picking up toys, doing laundry and actually thinking to myself that I really really enjoy being home.
Not just being a stay at home mom, but actually staying in the house.
I wonder about it because I'm an extrovert but there is no better day than the day where we go no where and see no one.
So I was happy. I was being productive.
I had let the girls go out in the heat for a few minutes before nap and the next thing I knew. BAM. Anger.
I had asked the girls to do something and it was like I wasn't even speaking. Which happens a lot. And sometimes I'm pretty calloused to it and don't mind and then all of the sudden. I mind.
Like my well-being depends on instant obedience (which is crazy).
I had just finished saying, patiently might I add, that were was to be no more in- and out. Pick one.
I had already been gracious, I thought, in the ins and outs while I objected. And yet here came Sophie in, yet again, mumbling about something and my internal top blew off.
And before the retort had even left my mouth I regretted it and could feel its foul after-taste.
Thank God tonight I'm doing something about it.
With a few friends I'm starting a Bible study called Uprooting Anger.
I can't wait.
Hopefully I will remember to let you know how it goes.