May 3, 2015

On Being the Size of a Bus And What you Can and Cannot Say to A Pregnant Woman

I would like to take this opportunity to talk to you about being the size of a bus. A mini-bus perhaps but a bus no less.

Because this is 200 lbs of awesome that just won't stop.

Embrace it (though you won't be able to get your arms all of the way around it).

My sister in law was in town the other day and we went out for pedicures.

By the time our pedicures had started no less than six strangers had commented on how "huge" I was, that I had "dropped", that I must be having the baby "tomorrow" (no.. a month away but thank you for pointing that out), and that "surely there more than one in there.. no? Twins?? No?!" (from my male pedicurist). I have counted. It is one. But thank you for making sure I know the number of humans living in my abdomen.

When we came home my sister-in-aw said, "You guys should have heard it! Over six people commented on her size!"

Yes. This is my reality.

And then well meaning people say something about it being number three or near the end etc.

And the thing is- I've "carried this low", been this "huge" every. single. time.

So I thought I would share with you the right thing to say to a pregnant woman.

What You Can Say To A Pregnant Woman

Are you ready?

You look beautiful!

There are other variations of course that work such as:

You look amazing.

Anything on top of, other than or outside of that is dangerous territory.

Let me explain. Comments such as:

You are SO small! 

The mother to be secretly wonders is something wrong with me? Is my baby TOO small? Or worse yet the pregnant mother is tempted to hold back, cut back in an effort to remain small for more compliments.

You are SO big!

Really? Snap out of it! No one wants to hear this ever unless they are training for the Mr. World Cup and are doing 500 bicep curls a day.

No matter how small the mom is or how you frame it with compliments she walks away going, "Dear Lord WHY ME??! I must look like a monster! How will this giant human fit out of my nether region?! Is he ready to ride a tricycle already???!" You get the idea. No es bueno.

You look beautiful pregnant! Or it's cousin: "You just glow in pregnancy!"

Okay.. on the outside this seems safe. Unless you're a pregnant woman. In which case, hours later, likely at night when she is up peeing she will doubtless think, "So am I really more beautiful now? Do I normally look like a washed out rag? Am I normally dull and boring and ugly?"


It' a lose-lose situation.

So play it safe and just say, "You look beautiful. I'm so happy for you."

The end.

Fight the urge for more.

A mini-bus Mom

Stay tuned for next time when we talk about other things to NEVER say to a pregnant woman in regards to the gender of the baby. Trust me.. there are things.

Would you add anything to this?


The Kowals said...

i literally just laughed out loud while reading the entire post.

you're so funny and right!

The Reeds said...

Ha ha. Thanks. :)

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