I've really neglected you. If you were an ivy your soil would be a little dry clump and your leaves would be wilting. Forgive me!
Today I was talking with a friend about how our children are becoming who we are- not who we are telling them to be.
Ouch... double ouch.
I've been posting over at Oatmeal Smiles about my anger.. These tantrums of Claire's and her defiance have really brought out edges in my heart that I'd rather not know were there.
Parenting is hard.
Wonderful and full of blessings...
And hard and full of sanctification.
I am not as patient, kind, disciplined or self controlled as I would like to be. Me in my yoga pants with unbrushed hair at 3 in the afternoon
Add to that my distraction and lack of grace in tantrum season...
Talk about a perspective shift...
What about yourself, your habits, your weaknesses do you hope they will not be?
What do you hope for them? What traits do you want them to have?
More simply put:
If you imagine your children growing up to live your life how does it make you feel?
What a reality check for me.
I want my children to love their own children the way I do (and hopefully better). I want them to be in a kind and committed marriage to a gentle man like I am.
But I want other.
I want them to have self control where I do not.
I want them to have confidence where I lack it.
I want them to default to prayer rather than despair.
I want them to be gentle and patient as a default. I do not want them to anger easily. I want them to live big lives full of faith and to not be easily discouraged or disheartened.
Do I want them to feel about themselves the way I do about myself now? In my post baby body that is not my top priority? No way. Never.
And in that, I had a big perspective shift today.
It's something I need to think long and hard on.
How would you live differently if you knew your children would live life the way you are?