January 28, 2014

Diary of a Bleary Eyed, Frazzled, Flustered Mommy

You're doing nothing right and nothing wrong.

Parenting is tricky waters.  This is certain.

All of your insecurities and weaknesses bubble to the surface when all of your "you" time is instantly sucked away along with the sole rights to your body, image and future. In a flash your life is not your own.

And you want badly to do right but here's the thing... it's hard to be confident when literally everyone has a different opinion.

Don't coddle or spoil your baby. Be firm.

But you can't spoil a baby. Hold them because they're only little so long.

Don't do "accidental parenting" and give your child "sleep crutches" or heaven forbid they will need you to rock them to sleep at 30. And for the love of all that is good and right DO NOT sleep with your baby. Back is best and in their own bed.

The most well rounded and well connected children sleep with their parents. It helps them feel love, valued and safe and actually synchronizes their breathing and heartbeats. For all of mankind we've slept with our children in big family beds- why in the world put them in a room alone when they're so tiny and vulnerable?!

No pacis.. it's makes them have buck teeth and they can choke on them. Help them learn how to soothe themselves or you will literally be paying for it in orthodontic bills.

Pacis are proven to help prevent SIDS and are fine up until 3 or 4 years old.

Don't spank. You're breaking the trust bond with your child you can never give back and starting a cycle of violence. The "rod" the Bible refers to is like for guiding sheep- not beating them.

Spank or be sorry and be a tree-hugging, no meat- eating liberal. All kids who aren't spanked are spoiled rotten.

Stay home or you children will be mistreated and not influenced as much by you.

Work or your children will see you as weak and they themselves will be socially awkward and missing out on great educational jumpstarts.

No screen time if you want junior to succeed.  And that even counts iphones.

You watched Sesame Street as a child and look how you turned out. Keep your sanity and put something on for that child for once and for all.

Allergies?... It's all in your head. Our grandparents didn't have any. Eat everything and expose your children and the better off they will be.

It's the __________ (baby powder, GMO's, chemicals etc.). There are more allergies. Don't eat certain allergens while pregnant or breastfeeding and don't give them to the child until they are one year and in some cases two.

Ignore tantrums and then help children to walk through their emotions. This is a difficult time for them.

Tantrums? What kind of a parent are you? Tantrums simply should NOT be allowed. You're indulgent if they are.

Breastfeed to help immunize, strengthen, connect with your baby and build your baby's brain. Breastfeed for as long as possible. It is better than something man made and meant to only make a buck.

Breastfeed but only until it annoys anyone who wants to hold/bottle feed/ keep the baby. And not past when that child gets its first tooth. Breasts are for sex and it's strange and hippy in the first place.

It's soooooooo overwhelming and confusing. Ugh!


The Kowals said...

Did I write this post? Can i repost this on my blog (for me and well... you since i know you are probably the only person that actually reads it regularly! ha)Um, I totally LOVE this post (does that make me a freak or confrontational?)Regardless, I love it because it feels like I wrote it because people are WAY to crazy about being so matter of fact about: this works, don't do this, you're a good parent/bad parent if you allow this, or immunize or blah, blah, blah. (seriously, i'm going to repost this on my blog - unless you tell me no.) Love you deary!

The Reeds said...

Of course Amanda! Thanks for your comment. It's one post I almost took down several times because it seems too honest/confusing/jumbled/negative.. But it IS so confusing... GAH!

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