December 17, 2011

Just Be

Having a baby, for me, has been the most beautiful, traumatic, amazing and frustrating experience.

I can go from being on cloud nine and euphoric to complete frustration and desperation in a matter of a few minutes (or in the amount of time it takes a baby to wake up screaming, yet again, only minutes after falling asleep).

And the greatest frustration of all has been "how to" books on raising a baby. Because you know, for a thousand years women couldn't have wiped a baby's butt without a how to manual. I don't even know if that makes sense yet I'm sure you know what I mean.

So I've been on this rollercoaster of euphoria and frustration. I'm sure in cultures around the world it's not "how to" books but rather nosy neighbors who offer the same source of frustration.

Now it's well meaning other mothers who just gave birth and look like they want to wash dirty socks on their washboard abs a week after. Ugh. Or worse yet that their little chunks of love are so knocked out asleep that they can lug them to school musicals and through grocery stores with doting women pinching them and their little precious will never wake up. You know what I mean.

And today I read a blog about a talented wonderful woman my age, with a little girl, and this mother is valiantly battling cancer...

Cancer... And I complain about naps and lack of routine. I mourn that I haven't slept this or that long.

Then this same blog mentioned another woman who is about my age, who was fighting breast cancer- and just lost her battle.

and I think of my legacy and my life. I think of what I would be leaving behind.

What would my little Claire be left with?

In an instant I cannot believe that I have wasted so much energy, so much time on worrying about routines and wishing my baby were more...

More calm... laid back... of a deep sleeper.. You name it.

I am never promised my tomorrow with her.

And all I want to do is nurse her to sleep... take naps beside her.. and burn my "how to" books in a quest to just be.

8 comments:

kristi said...

I'll burn those books with you! But first, I need to find yet another book on how to do solid foods with a 6 month old...Ben's had an extreme reaction to everything we've tried with him...

The Reeds said...

I'm so sorry!! I think a soy latte meet up is in order to remedy that and discuss is! ;)

Brandon and April said...

I feel you. There are times of frustration when I think to myself, "well, let me check the books and see what Caleb 'should' be doing at this age." And then I read it, and then it frustrates me more because he's so NOT doing that.
When will I learn that God's made me a mother with my own brain and that maybe just maybe seeking his council and using the intuition he's given me is enough.

You aren't alone in the napless baby aspect. Sure, we're half a planet apart, but we're dealing with the exact same issue, friend. :)

The Miersma Family! said...

so i wonder...if the Bible doesn't have specific stuff to say on parenting besides general points like love is patient and kind, it's not self-seeking, it believes all things, hopes all things, bears all things, etc...then maybe that explains why those books are so frustrating?!?! i know they mean well but i'm like you, they aren't as helpful as i'd like!

Alexis said...

Amazingly said! I have had ALL those feelings many times and God has a gentle way of reminding me to be grateful. Thanks for the comment! Your family is precious!

The Reeds said...

Thanks so much Alexis! And April and Jennifer you are exactly right.. Why is it our nature to compare? Really that's all those books do. Sometimes I think being ignorant of all of them and just "being" would bring so much more joy in all of parenting. I knew there would be lessons- but who knew there would be this many!

(GREAT point Jennifer!)

Ronnie said...

What a great reminder to us all to keep things in perspective...even though I am past the "baby" stage, I complain about attitudes, messy rooms, clothes that need washed, etc - yet my children and I are healthy, happy and whole. We have an amazing Daddy/Hubby who provides...God is so gracious!

The Reeds said...

Ronnie, you are exactly right! We should all spur one another on to have the right perspective and focus. Focus on whatever is good, noble and right etc. even amidst the shattered dreams and dark days right? He is Lord over all and we should be so grateful for his blessings and provision....

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