December 15, 2011

I Choose You

I tip toe back to your room to watch you sleep.

You're so peaceful and still. Plump pink cheeks and soft wisps of hair. I can hardly stand it.

I stand for a while and fight the urge to kiss you or pick you up.

Is there anything more beautiful than a sleeping child?

For a second my mind races back...I worried that when I quit working I would struggle and lose my identity when I was no longer a teacher. Now, I stand and look at you and have no other cares in the world, but the steady rise and fall of your chest.

I hope that as you grow you will know how much I love you. I pray and long for you to love me back and to "choose" me when you become your own independent woman.

And again, my mind chases a rabbit and I begin to think of God.

And a little baby Jesus.. with pink cheeks and soft wispy hair... delicate eyelashes resting on soft skin.

I imagine how precious baby Jesus must have been... how much I longed for you and pondered and cried but how much more so Mary... So many thoughts and questions she had to treasure up in her heart and then the pain that ripped through her to bring the most amazing gift of all.

Jesus.

I imagine she couldn't sleep for want of watching you- Precious baby Jesus. Warm and soft. Precious and pure. It's strange but it makes me love you more... Love you in a new and different way.

And I understand Mary a little more. Oh Mary.. how your heart must have ached.. in the carrying of that precious child and then in the loving Him so much you couldn't stand it.

And I think of God. Loving me more than I could ever love my baby. Knowing me before I was born.. and watching me going out into the world- completely loved but with the option of choosing- or not choosing- to love God back.

I choose you Jesus, perfect and pure.

I choose you.

2 comments:

The Miersma Family! said...

oh there is nothing like having a sweet baby to hold at Christmas time to help deepen our worship of sweet King Jesus! :)

The Reeds said...

I agree Jennifer... It's been such a great experience of learning more about the Lord through it.

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