September 14, 2011

Don't Forget- A post in which I get real

I'm already forgetting.

Here's the deal- life isn't fair. It really isn't. And the person who says it is most likely is on the "life is easier" end of the scale.

We had this discussion of is life fair in class one day and all of the kids passionately said no- it's not. Some students who I knew their heartbreak and really really unfair circumstances. Then one student from a privileged home, I would actually say from the most supported and well off home, stood up and passionately said it IS fair and people are just negative.

My thoughts? "Ha- you selfish little terd.. you have no idea how blessed you are compared to some kids around you." Yes.. I thought that. Deal with it.

So I'm already forgetting some things. The first week of Claire's life was H.A.R.D. I would wake up hopeful and happy and by noon I was a mess... a hopeless, crying mess- so frustrated with this crying baby who only slept when I was awake it seemed. Thank the Lord my mom and Jacob were here.

I even knew it was sleep deprivation and hormones but still- that didn't take away from how hard it was.

Add into that looking down and the body of a stranger stuck to my neck.

And already I kind of forget what that first week was like, when she would sleep so much I would worry about her.

I want to remember though. Right now is hard. And life isn't fair- and knowing that makes it even harder.

Some people really do have babies that sleep and don't fuss non stop. I scour and search our pictures and videos for enough of her NOT screaming to make a baby video.

So days where I'm blessed if she'll sit alone and coo for 30 minutes out of the entire day and if she wakes up from her one decent nap because the phone vibrates I really really really want to pull my hair out.

I wanted to write this post today for any other mother out there who doesn't have an easy tempered calm baby. For any other mother out there who does have a little one who takes constant attention.

You're not alone.

And Lord I love her, with her adorable little smile and coo... but man, some days it is hard.

When I haven't showered, or even eaten because she's been demanding and she screams at the top of her lungs for an hour...it's just hard. And it's not that hard for everyone.

I never imagined I would have a difficult pregnancy, difficult delivery and then a fussy baby.

But the Lord never promised us life would be easy or fair.

and for the record, not all days are bad... Some days are easy- and then... the bad run comes.

I don't want to forget- that it's hard right now. So when a new mother is struggling maybe I can offer a shred of understanding and say you're not alone.

4 comments:

Ronnie said...

Georgia - You are not alone, although my "fussy" baby is now 10! He was a very ill and therefore a very demanding/fussy/clingy little momma's boy who didn't really care for anyone but me. Which some would say was a good thing but not when they are fussy all the time or have to be held all the time...I am saying a special prayer for you right now and know that YES one day there will be another new mommy out there who will need someone to relate to her!!! One of my favorite statements in the Bible - "IT CAME TO PASS..." this WILL pass, no maybe not for some time but they really do grow up and learn to not be so fussy....Know a mom of 4 is praying for you!

Brandon and April said...

thanks for this. :)
I'm going to re-read it at 3 am when Caleb wakes me up screaming and wants to scream for an hour.
you aren't alone. :)

Jennifer Mykytiuk said...

I am thinking of you my friend. I can not imagine as Madeline was not a fussy baby, however, she had her moments- usually every evening when she would cry and cry without being consoled. It was very frustrating. Even for that little time, Aaron and I switched off holding and rocking her because there was only so much I could take. You can take what I am going to suggest and throw it out the window- but I wonder if maybe trying an elimination diet could help. We discovered that Madeline had that Milk Protein allergy at 5 months and what I wouldn't GIVE to have found that out from the beginning. It would have made life easier and her much happier. I was amazed at the difference omiting all dairy from my diet made (although it took 4 weeks to fully change). She was no longer gassy (we went through gas drops like crazy), she no longer spit up her entire meal, and she took to bursing much better. besides she started sleeping all night. I know glutten can affect babies also. Anyway, you can throw my opinion out the window- I really don't know anything anyway. Praying for you

Jenifer said...

As always, I am struck by your honesty. This is often something moms don't share. But it is hard. Hard, frustrating, heart-breaking, lonely, beautiful, perfect, shaping, joyous, sorrowful, thrilling, magical, breathtaking, hilarious, glorious and so much more. God has pruned, sharpened and shaped me over the past last two years in ways I couldn't even imagine. He has also loved, comforted, calmed, and carried me.

"My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:8

Much love and admiration,
Jen

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