May 6, 2011

On Being a Mother to Be

The sun casts a shadow of crepe myrtle on the window of your room, still naked and bare waiting to be dressed in a curtain. The green branches sway gently and I feel numb for a minute, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that in a number of weeks you'll be here with me, seeing it all as new. Discovering life and yourself.

So many painful moments of discovering life for myself flood my mind. The multitude of mistakes that almost drowned me. And I fear for you. My heart gives a little shudder. We pray every night, sending out pleas for your safety, your future, and that your heart would be one that loves and seeks the Lord. And even as I pray along, in my heart a deeper prayer repeats itself again and again- that you would be spared my mistakes.

Spared my stupidity.

I pray you will be wiser than me. That you will be stronger and not as self-doubting as a young woman.

I think of that same sunlight and how it used to stream in the tall windows at my grandmother's house, long after her mind had lost its grasp, but when her hands still fiddled with baby bonnets and dollies.

I would stare at her hand, as we sat in silence- the world in slow motion, my thoughts magnified.

Her hands were so beautiful and sculpted, and then I would look at my own and see one and the same.

Decades ahead of me, I could one day be where she was, and she was one day in my spot, long before cars or tv's invaded our lives, as she chose a suitor and began to give new life.

Would my granddaughter take the time to stare at my hand, in the slow quiet moments when the sunlight dappled in?

Will my grandchildren long to know who I had been and how my heart had played itself out?

Daily changes occur. and the future faithfully comes. And the sunlight still dapples in.

It will shine on you, when you sit feeling burgeoning belly and wondering at all that is to come.

But for now you lie within me, the closest and safest I think you will ever be.

And I count the minutes as blessings and try to hold each movement and thought as a treasure-

As the sun dapples in.

3 comments:

Marcy Raindl said...

THAT is beautiful. You are going to be the best mother! Love You

Jen said...

Beautiful, Georgia! Happy Mother's Day to you!

Eden said...

That is wonderful!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...