June 8, 2010

Nakuam: Karamajong wind

     This will not be a typical post. From time to time I read through my journals. I read parts over and over again and get lost in the memories. Today I read an entry that had somehow escaped me and it stuck. Brought back memories.

     I plan on posting later about taking each thought captive and how God has kneaded this truth back into my dry and cracked heart. I began to think about the root of melancholy and how I had "untrained" my thoughts. This is a journal entry from Karamoja. A time where I think I began to lose this battle. Where I didn't take each thought captive, but rather they began to slowly take me captive.

     In retrospect, so much of what I shared early on in this blog was what I "should" share. There is so much overseas that you can't share to be culturally sensitive of any who may read. Army issues not to be discussed etc. There is so much you must filter for the ministry aspect. And in the end, you're left with little hollow beads of truth.

When I read the journal entries though I see the full colors of it all. The truth. And the truth does set us free doesn't it?

     I remember longing to share my experience, my confusion, my helplessness, if not in fact with someone else, then at least to know that my feelings had at some time been shared and known by someone else. What if, in fact, the other foreigners who had lived where I had hadn't really struggled with loving as I was struggling with it? Did no one else ever struggle with the loneliness as I was? What if they didn't get as down as I did?

     So it's three A.M. in Austin, Texas and I can't sleep. Alone in a hotel room with my journal here with me, I keep thinking of this entry and wanting to share it. Maybe for posterity? Maybe for Nakuam: the wind in Karamoja. For all others, perhaps you can just pass this by and never look again.

November 10, 2007

      A lot seemed to happen today. We awoke to howling wind and heavy rain. I slept in, it being Saturday, and Jacob went out early and took chai to Nakoli and Nguran and sat with them. We got word that Rapanyang was raided last night- Nagala the other night.

A little shepherd came to visit, with his little tire sandals and big shirt. He said he heard the raiders (it was his village).

Another shepherd came with goats' milk. He wears a black denim jacket and nothing more and has the habit of grabbing your hand to make a point. He is like a 30 year old man in a 7 year old body.

Then we got news that M's husband (the one who works at the ******** in Entebbe) was returning to Kotome with a body. M went alone with a child... the report came later that it was indeed M... we were horrified. M. So healthy- younger than me- and beautiful. Dead? ... Child labour and too much loss of blood.

Death just seems to happen here. It's always lurking, never far away and then it hits in blinding suddeness and is gone. We've been here such a short time and already there seems to be this numbness.
We will wait til Tuesday to go to Kotome as now there will be a great crowd of people- his people demanding back dowry ( no more wife) her people demanding payment (because he "took and killed her").

I can't imagine that journey (from the south) with her body... It's bad enough alone. How? In a lorry with people? So sad. Too much.

......(Georgia's note:  Two paragraphs have been omitted to protect certain parties... I will summarize these two paragraphs here: injustice and hardship)....

Then in the late afternoon/dusk it started, yelling, shouting, voices from Nagala. It carried on for sometime. Someone was coming to take an "apese" (young girl- as a bride). There were sticks and fighting (though it was most likely agreed on beforehand) and in the end singing and gaiety. I was going to go take video but J's parents called.

As we sat at dinner- locked away- darkness over the land- wind howling- we hear cows passing nearby. No doubt raiders. Coming or going? Jie or Dodoth? Who knows.

And that's been our day... I skipped language. I'm so bad. Jacob is still not well- our dose of Flagyl was too low. I hope tomorrow it's kicked. His intestines are so weak...

Lord, you are there, steady and firm-
You do not leave, your voice does not waiver-
The voice of one calling-
a light ever shining
hope ever reaching
water in the desert
When I'm desperate
and in need.
You have filled me up
and been faithful
to the end.
May I never lose sight
cease to fight
with you.
Hope ever renewing-
in the desert
you call



Jenifer said...

Please keep sharing. Please keep telling your story. The story. Not the story you "should" tell. I am so grateful that you chose to share this. So grateful.
It is lovely to watch you come to life in this blog. It seems like, over the last few weeks, God has been in the process of renewing you, awakening you. I love to get to witness it, even if it's on a computer screen.
Love to you,

The Reeds said...

Jenifer, Thank you so much for that comment. It was like a little more water for a dry soul. Thanks friend. It's hard to weed out the cold hard vulnerable facts and the pretty hollow bits we want people to see. Oh to be vulnerable- what a foolish and valiant act. Thanks again. Really.
Much love,

Kerri said...

What you write is very eye opening and you have an amazing talent for writing. I can picture and feel what you write. :) A wonderful teacher in so many ways.

I hope that you are enjoying Austin. Let me know if you need ideas of stuff to do or places to eat at. I can be of a bit of help.
Enjoy the time here and have a safe trip back home.

Keep sharing your story, your experiences and photos.

The Reeds said...

Thanks so much Kerri. I appreciate that a lot.

I'm leaving Austin already but will be back again. Any great recommendations would be appreciated!

Thanks again.

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