So initially I wanted this to be a funny guide on being an annoying tourist wherever you go (because I sadly have a plethora of pictures to support that fun concept). My old roommate Leslie and I had HOURS of fun making the "Top Ten Ways to..." lists. Lists like "The Top Ten Ways to Get Thrown Out of a Supermarket" (I think number one was sitting inside your own cart and tasting other people's food etc.) We giggled for HOURS over that fun. So in my quest to make this list with photos I hit a problem. It quickly turned into therapy and me wanting to cry out for help.
What has evolved is the combination of the two. A step by step guide on what NOT to do when you travel, and a portfolio to show prospective therapists... Hmm... Handy that.
*Note: I am actually very culturally sensitive and am NOT a loud annoying American when traveling. However... I do have fun..... In a very studied and inconspicuous way.. See for yourself.
How to get kicked out of countries and be annoying: A Guide
When in Pompeii with young and impressionable students, do what any self respecting adult and teacher must do- stage a fake Gladiator duel with umbrellas.Step 2:
When in the classiest country in the world (hyperbole? You be the judge), and in front of one of the most prestigious museums in the world which houses the Mona Lisa and Hamurabi's Code- act like THIS when you're hot and thirsty to try and blend in...Step 3:
When in a beautiful city surrounded by chic and oh so stoic citizens at a lovely cafe and bakery in a historic part of the city.. act like THIS with your high dollar cappucino....Step 4:
When out with a lovely group of mature and wonderful friends- squeeze into the background of all photos making hideous faces... (this is where this guide turns more into a cry for help.... Watch and weep...)Step 5:
When at a lovely colleague's intercultural wedding surrounded by mature adults, pose like THIS in a photo for posterity.. (at least Joe's throwing in a little sass with me... I was never alone when Joe was near by!)
*Note: that is ONLY coke... tempered with a WHOLE LOTTA me.
At this point, you, like me, will notice a pattern.. I AM the problem. I CANNOT be normal in front of a camera... It's almost painful. It's an issue.. It's a problem I tell you.
So when the girls came to Africa to visit and Mis tried to take a picture of me this is the conversation and the photos that correspond.
Mis: "Smile G!"
Me: **** CHEEESE!!!****
Mis: "No! Come on!Act normal!"
Me: "I AM acting normal!"
Mis: "No!! REALLLY act normal!"
Mis: "What are you doing?!"
Me: "I'm being normal... I'm not posing..." (monotone)
Mis: "Seriously.... just be normal!"
Me: "I CAN'T BE NORMAL!"
(I think that a lot of our therapy should center around THIS phrase....)
*Crickets can be heard..
Mis: "Okay... Pose then.."
I need help...